Jumper
by the Divine Nataku
Summary: An introspective moment between Faye and Spike hints at a chance for romance that is not to be. Slightly angsty, RxR!


Disclaimer - Cowboy Bebop does not belong to me. It belongs to   
its bigwig affiliates who were cool enough to turn it into the awesome   
anime that it is.  
  
Cowboy Bebop  
Jumper  
By Nataku-chan  
  
"Here in your arms… where the world is impossibly still… with a   
million dreams to fulfill… And a matter of moments until the dancing   
ends…"  
  
The rest of the song ended unfinished, drifting off into the silence of   
the night. Faye took a deep breath, sipping from the bottle in front of   
her. Though the chilly night air had cooled it, the liquid still burned going   
down her throat. She gasped in shock, nearly spitting it out.   
  
Ignoring the growing buzz, she glared at the bottle murmuring to   
herself, "Cheap ass liquor."  
  
Despite the current situation she found herself in, getting piss-drunk   
had not been her original intention. In fact, she had planned on taking   
her recently collected woolongs to the nearest casino to see what fate   
Lady Luck had in store for her. Of course, Lady Luck had no intention   
on smiling on her today. Their bounty had gone sour, which came to no   
surprise. It also came to no surprise that Faye immediately became   
the scapegoat. So, her only option was to take refuge on the   
observation deck until everyone fell asleep.  
  
Unfortunately, her solitude was not to last - Jet had eventually tracked   
her down, giving her an earful about their recent failure. When she   
dismissed it as bad luck, Jet decided to exclude her from the cut of   
what meager woolongs they had managed to collect. Furious, Faye   
stomped away and before she knew it, found herself on the highest   
part of the ship's outer hull, drinking the night away as she overlooked   
the bay.  
  
"So what if I screwed up?" she exclaimed aloud, her words slightly   
slurred. "I'm human, too! I'm allowed to make mistakes!" Her   
thoughts went back to her argument with Jet, him cutting her down as   
if she were the most insignificant, incompetent piece of space trash   
this side of Ganymede. She ground her teeth in frustration. "You hear   
that, Jet?" she called out, knowing full well that he couldn't hear her.   
"I'm allowed to make mistakes, too, you arrogant ass!" Taking a step   
forward, she kicked the empty bottle with the tip of her boot. It tipped   
over with a clank, rattling and clinking as it rolled down the side of the   
ship before ultimately meeting its demise on the ground below.  
  
Faye stopped and stared for a moment, enthralled by the action that   
had just taken place. Flecks of light had flickered off the rim of the   
bottle as it made its descent. It shattered against the ground, tinkling   
like bells. She watched all of this; staring down at the ground, she   
could see moonlight glistening off of the tiny shards below, giving them   
a star-like effect.  
  
She chuckled wryly, glancing away. "Now you're worthless, just like   
me." Faye sat down on the worn, metal surface. From within the   
pocket of her coat, she produced a small, metal whiskey bottle, taking   
a deep gulp of its contents. As the alcohol began to take its effect,   
Faye began another descent into self-loathing, her one-woman pity   
party; an activity she was readily growing more accustomed to.  
  
For three years Faye had wandered the galaxy with no clues about   
her past. While this reality hurt her deeply, she put up a brave front,   
coming to grips with the fact that would possibly remain this way for   
the rest of her life. Despite the harshness of that truth, in some ways   
Faye was okay with that.  
  
Then, the beta tape arrived; an open window, an unlocked door, a   
bookmark on a page from a chapter of her life. No matter how hard   
she tried she couldn't remember it. Seeing herself, hearing herself; she   
had no recollection of that moment. In her eyes it had never taken   
place. That girl couldn't possibly be her; she never in her life had been   
that happy. Or had she?  
  
She felt worthless; she was worthless. What was she without a past?   
She couldn't very well call upon someone in her past to help her. She   
was completely alone.  
  
Alone? Faye had told Gren that she preferred solitude to fleeting   
companionship. She had believed having friends was a waste of time,   
and that she had no need of such frivolities. Of course that was an   
ideal she had forced herself to believe after being alone for so long, but   
she was not about to reveal that to Gren or anyone. To her, it was law.   
However, he had begged to differ. He had told her that he had been   
attracted to the notion of companionship…  
  
"…almost to the point of tears," she murmured aloud. "That's all crap   
like that gets you… heartache and tears."   
  
Surely that had to be the case, what with all the tears she had shed   
and heartaches she had experienced over her childish crush on Spike.   
And that's just what it was, a crush… right? After all, hearing about   
the way he had gallivanted off at the mere mention of the name Julia,   
how could she even attempt to compete against that? She paused a   
moment, remembering the looks she had received from him and the   
others when she reentered the ship after the failed bounty. "Yeah…"   
she sighed heavily. "Especially when no one cares whether you live   
or die."  
  
At this Faye clenched her fists tightly, biting at the pain of her nails   
digging into her palms. Why did her life had to be so complicated?   
Perhaps it was bad karma? She'd joined the crew in hopes of having   
some place to belong, but she found herself constantly on the outside   
looking in. It just wasn't fair.  
  
She stared down at her feet, silently reeling. Focusing on the ground   
below her, she spotted the shards of glass on the pier. They   
continued to glisten in the moonlight, sparkling like tears in contrast to   
the dark surface.  
  
Entranced by this spectacle, Faye rose to her feet slowly. A wild   
thought entered her mind - what if she was to slip? If she lost her   
footing and fell to the ground, what would happen? Would anyone   
notice her gone? Would anyone even miss her?  
  
"I guess there's nothing to miss…" she thought idly. With that thought   
in mind, she took a step forward, preparing herself for the final plunge.  
  
Before she knew it, a strong hand grasped her, locking onto her wrist   
and yanking her back. Back to safety, back to reality. Furious, her   
first thought was that it was Jet preparing to give her another lecture.   
However, when the hand's owner spoke, she quickly realized she had   
thought wrong.  
  
"Yo."  
  
Stunned, Faye whirled around to find herself face to face with Spike   
Spiegel. Immediately she felt embarrassed and ashamed. He couldn't   
have possibly been able to figure out what she was doing, but somehow   
he had to have known; the look on her face revealed everything.   
  
Panic began to fill her. What was he going to do? What was he going   
to say to her? She found she had no clue as to what to say in her   
defense. How does one explain a suicide attempt to someone like   
Spike Spiegel?   
  
Faye paused, resisting the urge to laugh as she mulled that thought   
over in her head. Maybe it wasn't so impossible after all; it was Spike   
she was dealing with. She glanced up at him to see his eyes still locked   
on her. Was it just her imagination or did they seem different colors?   
She found herself mesmerized by them, just as she had been by the   
glass.  
  
Realizing he had succeeded in getting her attention, Spike slowly   
eased his gaze away from her. It seemed to Faye that he was a little   
nervous about having her so close to him, staring at him as she was.   
  
Despite the fact that he hid his unease very well, Faye continued to   
stare. Following his gaze, she watched it rest upon her wrist still held   
tightly in his grasp. Her hand, trembling and white knuckled, clasped   
a bottle of whiskey. His eyebrows arched slightly. Faye could just   
imagine what he was thinking, 'What the hell had she been doing?'  
  
"It'd be a shame to throw away something so valuable," he replied   
absently, still staring at their joined hands.  
  
Faye flinched; did he know? Had he figured out her intentions?   
Despite everything, her shame continued to increase. A scowl made   
its way across her face; why did she insist on caring about what he   
thought of her, especially when it was nothing good? Here she was,   
contemplating ending her very life and all he was worried about was   
some damned bottle of whiskey!  
  
Wrenching free from his grasp, she shoved the half-empty bottle   
into his startled, open hands. "Take it," she muttered darkly. "Won't do   
me a bit of good anyway."  
  
Spike's face showed a look of genuine confusion. For a few moments   
he looked as though he had no idea what she was talking about. Was it   
possible that she had misunderstood? Nevertheless he recovered quickly,   
shoving the bottle into the inside pocket of his jacket. "Suit yourself," he   
smirked playfully. "Though you'll probably end up stealing it back   
anyway."  
  
Faye sighed despairingly. So, she was just a lowly thief to him.   
Normally a verbal spat with him would have lifted her spirits.   
However, not this time; Faye was too low to care what he thought   
about her.  
  
Still, Spike wasn't giving up. "What, no come back?" he asked. "You   
mean you're not even going to deny that you've stolen from me before?"  
  
"So what?" Faye heard herself snap. Was that the old fire returning   
to her? No, she was just running on auto pilot and auxiliary power was   
running dangerously low. "Spike, just go away."  
  
The lanky bounty hunter seemed a bit put-off, but he refused to be   
deterred. "Why should I have to leave?" he asked. "What if I want   
to stand out here in the middle of the night, in the freezing cold, for no   
logical reason at all?"  
  
He was definitely making fun of her now. Spike was determined to   
win a fight that wasn't even being waged. Despite the weather Faye   
could feel the hot tears springing to her eyes. With all the force she   
could muster, she turned on him temper flaring. "Nobody asked you to   
come up here!" she spat.   
  
"No one said I couldn't either."  
  
"This is so unfair! All I wanted was a little quiet place to myself for a   
few hours. Is that so much to ask?"  
  
Spike smirked. "Yes. If you want something like that, you should pack   
up and leave."  
  
Faye's heart chipped slightly. So, finally the truth comes out… "I bet   
that would make you happy, wouldn't it? With me gone and out of your   
hair, you'd finally be free, wouldn't you?" Slight surprise registered on   
the bounty hunter's face. "Yeah, no more mistakes, no more messing   
up… everyone would be so much happier without Faye around."  
  
Spike snorted, lighting a cigarette. "You're being way too   
melodramatic."  
  
"Melodramatic my ass!!" Faye cried out, her voice breaking slightly;   
Spike noticed this, too. "Screw you, Spike Spiegel! I hate you! I hate  
you!" She glared up at him, hands clenched tightly, her whole body   
shaking. "My life… it's Hell! I know nothing about my past! I have   
nothing… no memories, no family, no friends… I'm all alone."  
  
"Bullshit." Spike paused, presumably wondering why he had even   
decided to speak. Feeling Faye's gaze upon him, he decided to carry   
out his train of thought. "You overreact way too much," The shrew's   
green eyes narrowed slightly. "You inhabit a ship with three other   
people and yet you call yourself lonely?"  
  
"Yes!" Faye's voice wavered again to Spike's surprise. She cursed it   
and him inwardly. It for showing her weakness and him for making   
her feel the way she did. Didn't she have enough to worry about as   
it was? "Just think about it, Ed doesn't know up from down half the   
time, and to Jet I'm just one more ship in the hangar and an extra plate   
at the table." And a scapegoat when bounties go bad, she wanted to   
add.   
  
At that she paused, clenching her fists even tighter and hunching her   
shoulders as she stared down at her feet. Out of the corner of her eye   
she could see Spike's boots shifting uneasily; she had yet to mention him.  
  
"Is that all?" he replied, trying to sound uninterested.  
  
"No," Faye approached him slowly. In one swift motion, she raised   
her fist, sending it rocking across his jaw.  
  
Needless to say, Spike stumbled backwards, stunned by the sudden   
action. Seeing her smug grin, he snarled, raising his fist to reciprocate…   
and stopped. He hadn't really been paying attention, but in the few   
seconds it took him to assess the situation, he realized that she had   
wanted him to hit her. The very idea was mind boggling in itself.   
Granted, he knew she was pissed, but she had seen enough guys fall   
at the receiving end of one of his fists, why would she want to…oh.  
  
Ohh…Spike's eyes widened in realization. Behind Faye lay the edge   
of the deck. If he had hit her, she would have - Spike couldn't finish   
that thought. His heart sank down to the bottom of his stomach. He   
turned back to Faye, who had not moved from in front of his fist. It   
was almost as if she had still wanted him to carry out his original   
intention.  
  
"Faye," She blinked, snapping out of some trance as she watched him   
lower his fist, only to let it fall limply to his side like some undesirable   
thing. "What're you doing?" he watched her carefully. "Is this some   
sort of act?"  
  
"Damnit, Spike!" Faye stepped forward, grasping the lapels of his   
jacket. "Why do I have to be such a joke to you? Can't you ever take   
me seriously?" She gave his jacket a harsh tug. "Why can't you ever   
acknowledge the fact that I'm not so bad to have around?"  
  
To her dismay, Spike didn't respond. He was partly astounded by how   
strong he was, and also stunned at how emotional she was being.   
Never had he seen her like this. It was downright… heartbreaking.  
  
Defeated, Faye let go of his jacket, stepping away from him. Spike   
wanted to point out the fact that she was dangerously close to the   
edge, but somehow he had a feeling that she already knew this.  
  
"So, what is this about?" Faye looked up at him. Spike wore a dark   
scowl on his face. He was going to put a stop to her stupid theatrics   
once and for all. If she wanted to be accepted, she had best start   
acting like it. "Don't tell me you planned on jumping." he spat. "Only   
cowards die that way. And you've sure as hell got a lotta nerve tryin'   
to get me to put you out of your pathetic misery."  
  
Faye looked wounded for a moment, but she recovered quickly. "Why   
would you care anyway?"  
  
"Who ever said I did?" He immediately regretted saying that even   
before the words left his mouth.  
  
Faye had heard, he knew, but she raged on as if she hadn't. "I'm just a   
friggin' millstone around your scrawny neck - why should I care so   
much about what you think of me?"  
  
Spike's scowl faltered slightly as Faye turned from him. She stared   
down at the ground below, tears glistening in her eyes. It was then   
that it dawned on him. He murmured under his breath, "Shit, maybe   
she isn't joking after all…"  
  
"I'm so tired…" she murmured. "I'm tired of this life… I'm tired of   
being alone… I don't want to hurt anymore, Spike…"  
  
Spike wasn't sure what to do or say. Awkwardly he reached out his   
hand to her only to have it slapped away. Frustrated, he turned away   
from her. "Fine, do what you want," he replied. "You wanna jump that   
badly? Go ahead then, Faye, don't let me stop you." He turned back to   
give her one last look. "Have a nice tri-"   
  
The words died in his throat as Faye's body began its descent over   
the edge. Before he knew what he was doing, Spike jumped towards   
her. Arms reaching forward, wrapping around her lithe body like   
bands of steel, he yanked her body forward, tugging her away from   
certain death.   
  
A soft gasp alerted him to what he had done. Spike looked down to   
see Faye held within a tight embrace; so close he could almost feel her   
heart beating rapidly against his chest. Was it just him or was his   
beating just as fast? It almost seemed like it had stopped for a second   
there. Spike tried to take a deep breath, but it came out shaky. Still, he   
didn't let go; it was as if he were afraid she would jump again. He was   
truly mind boggled; what in space had he just done?  
  
Needless to say, Faye was stunned. Had it just been an impulse? Had   
Spike really intended to save her? Holding her the way he was, had he   
really feared for her life?  
  
"It'd be a shame to throw away something so valuable." she felt Spike   
murmur shakily into her hair, tightening his hold on her.  
  
Faye remained still. She feared that if she moved, she would wake up   
and the dream would be over. It had to be a dream; there was no way   
this could possibly be happening, right?  
  
"Faye," Spike replied slowly, "I'm gonna let you go now, okay…?" His   
voice sounded a bit uncertain, as if he didn't really want to. Or perhaps   
he feared she would fall over the edge once again.   
  
"I'm not going anywhere," she replied softly, closing her eyes.  
  
This seemed to assure Spike somewhat, for he smirked and replied,   
"Good, cuz if you had jumped, I would've had to go after you."  
  
Faye let out a gasp, looking up at him questioningly only to see his now   
retreating back. Almost as if he felt her curious stare, Spike stopped   
almost as if to answer her. Weighing some decision over in his head,   
he continued on without responding. With a short wave, he disappeared   
back into the bowels of the ship.   
  
~~~~~  
  
One, two, three, four shots rang out into the empty corridor. Lowering   
her gun to her side, Faye once again stood alone. Again she had let   
him get away with no explanation, without telling him how she felt. Now   
it was too late. He was gone - out of her life - possibly forever.  
She had tried to end her life and he had stopped her; he had saved her.   
Now, he was going off to do the same thing that she had done, except   
that he had no intention of coming back.   
  
Faye hurriedly wiped the tears from her eyes, determination filling her   
being. No, she wouldn't let it end this way. Too many chances had   
gone by; now it was time for Lady Luck to show her hand. Poker Alice   
had taken a lot of chances in the past, but this one was for all the money.   
With one bullet left in her gun Faye squared her shoulders, heading for   
the hangar.   
  
If he wanted to die, that was fine by her she decided. Still, if he   
jumped, she sure as hell wasn't going to let him go alone.  
  
~Wish You Would Step Out from that Ledge   
My Friend 


End file.
